I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
