the day after is always just damage control
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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