apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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