mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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