I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
