when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
