Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
