Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
