Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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