Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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