Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
