im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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