Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
