Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
