I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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