I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize