that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You pole danced in your parka.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
