Please, let me fuck your mom
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
