two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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