So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
