dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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