i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
