I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
