Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had sex on a roof
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
