I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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