apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
