Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
