I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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