I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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