just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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