wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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