yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
