Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
