i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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