So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
