I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
