Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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