Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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