I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
