when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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