i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My pussy is not your playground.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
