FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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