Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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