imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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