god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
