Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
