Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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