im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
