It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
