I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
