"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
