three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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