When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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