singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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