My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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