You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
