Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
