I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
