The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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