I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
