Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
