well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
