Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize