You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
