My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
