Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
