So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
