his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
