i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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