and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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