Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
