Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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