i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
